Cliche Day: Everything Happens For A Reason

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Everything happens for a reason…or so they say. Or so I say, to be more precise. I claim on the daily to believe this statement, but I admit that there are times when I find it hard…

I mean, what does it mean? Everything happens for a reason? Everything? Like, from the moment you are conceived, every little seemingly minuscule thing is happening for a reason? To shape and form you into the person you are meant to be? Everything? From brushing your teeth, to what you eat, to stepping over that crack in the sidewalk (I mean, you don’t want to break your mother’s back, do you?), it all happens for a reason?

To me, that sounds just a little bit crazy. Besides, most religions discuss this idea about free will, which basically means we are given choices and we possess the ability to choose which way we want to go. Free Will versus Everything Happens For a Reason–a.k.a. Destiny or Fate–seem to be mutually exclusive concepts. How can you choose something that is destined to happen?

When I was younger, and still an active member of the Christian Community, I used to get hung up on this concept. If God knew what I was going to do before I did it, could I surprise Him? Could I disappoint Him? With this idea foremost in my noggin, I would purposely set out to do things that God might not expect of me–for example, I’d start to go downstairs, but quickly spin around and go back up. I would grab my Bible and pretend to be looking for Mark, but I would really be looking for Psalms. I’d play the Backstreet Boys on the radio, but rewrite the words on the fly, usually praising Him instead. Granted, nowadays, almost 20 years later, these seem like rather feeble attempts to “pull one over” on God, but those were the days of innocence and naivety. But the juxtaposition of free will and God being omniscient really confounded me.

See, if God really is omniscient, then there really isn’t anything we can do to surprise or disappoint him, because he already knows that we’re going to do it. Therefore making Hell just a man-made scare-tactic. Right? I still don’t know the answer to that, nor do I claim to.

These days, I am not so bound by any one specific classification of religious beliefs. But the question still remains…do I believe that everything happens for a reason?

Yes. Yes I do believe that everything happens for a reason. In my world, I have to. I will admit that a lot of cliches told during times of grief, annoy me to no end (“God works in mysterious ways….” Is there a manual? “….never gives you more than you can handle…” Hey, I’m not Wonder Woman. “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” This world seems pretty dang dark. “They’re in a better place now…” Oh, so they’re the lucky ones?), but the end result is the same–I want to believe that there is a reason!

So here’s the thing: if I say that everything happens for a reason, then that doesn’t mean I get to pick and choose which incidents happen for a reason, and which do not. Everything is kind of an all inclusive word, hahaha! I cannot say that example A happened for a reason, but example B was an obvious malicious intention just to hurt. No, that sounds like an oxymoron.

What got me thinking about all of this, was the “one who hurt me the most,” that I mentioned in “What’s Wrong With Me?” I did not want to forgive him, because I was so sure that he was 100% wrong, and I needed him to admit it. However, almost exactly three years later, I have come to the realization that the end result of the entire thing, was meant to be. Maybe free will had added quite a bit of drama into the equation–perhaps that was not entirely necessary–but he and I were meant to fall apart like that. He had to perform the ultimate betrayal for me to betray him. Without my betrayal, he would still be on the old road, not the one that he is on now–the better one, which includes love and family. Without an “us” he probably wouldn’t have what he has now. (At least I tell myself this to make me feel better.) Although I still, honestly, harbor a grudge against him–I thought our friendship included active listening, hahaha–I would not change anything, even if I had the power to do so. As he has assured me time and time again, we are forever in each other’s lives; holding a grudge only hurts me.

Another example–Funky Lollipop’s first booth at a show. Not exactly the money-making event that we had hoped for, but I feel as though it was an amazing experience nonetheless. For me, the people we met, the contacts we made, the real-life experience we were exposed to–all worth it! I’m not sure if I am fully aware of all the reasons yet, but I still feel good about the entire thing!

My current job–I only interviewed for two jobs in 2013, museum and Harley shop. I thought I was a shoo-in for the Harley shop, but it didn’t pan out. And I am thankful for that! My former friend got the position instead, to work with my brother’s former girlfriend. Now wouldn’t that have been awkward! Plus, if I had not started working here, I would have never met Lollipop! If I had gotten the job at Harley, Funky Lollipop would not exist! How tragic is that??!!

While driving–if I seemingly get trapped behind the slowest person ever, almost always there is a cop hiding around the next corner. Or a deer preparing to cross the road. Even these random little nudges, seemingly happen for a reason.

I love Marilyn Monroe’s quote–“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” People change, including yourself, and usually for the better. There has to be a yin and yang–a balance between the good and the bad–so that you can recognize the good when you have it. And, in the end, you really can only trust yourself to do what you want you to do. It is very hard to expect someone else to do what you want them to do, hahaha. And sometimes you don’t know that there are better things waiting for you right around the corner.

Marilyn’s life story is rather complicated and tragic. Not the happy ending I am sure she expected. I have an affinity with Marilyn, loving her as a person, not an actress. I am unsure of the reasons behind her life and death–but I know that she did become eternally famous! Everyone knows her name! Her life story has impacted so many individuals from all walks of life–from the wannabe actresses to the eternally horny to the avid conspiracy theorist–so many look upon her with reverence.

Believing that everything happens for a reason is a big leap of faith. Accepting that “the universe” has a plan for you, and that you probably will not ever really know what that plan entails, and being okay with that, is a whole lot of faith. Trying not to be angry about the crappy hand you are sometimes dealt…that takes faith too.

I believe that there are quite a few BIG THINGS that will happen in every person’s life, that they will not have any control over. Free Will can get you so far, but “the powers that be” will use whatever means necessary to get you to the point that they want you to be at. To be the person you are meant to be. Accepting that you most likely will not know the reason, will be the hardest thing for me. I love to know why!!

So, Destiny, what do you have in store for me? What’s my story? Is it a tragedy? A comedy? Drama? Not a lot of action, hahaha! Will there be a love story? Either way, I hope it is a fabulous read!!

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Cliche Day: If You Love Someone, Set Them Free….

Hello again. Today will be my first cliche day, and I have decided to talk about love, fate, destiny, and this beautiful little gem that the American author, Richard Bach, gave to us: “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.” We all know the quote; in fact all one needs to say is, “If you love someone…” and whomever is around will join in the, “…set them free.” We do not even need the rest, because it is already engrained into our noggins. (Hopefully everyone reading this now has heard of the quote, hahaha! If not, where have you been?)

Richard Bach is still alive, meaning that this quote is not that old. Older than me, I think, but seriously not old at all. Yet I hear this quote all of the time–in movies, in books, in popular music–this quote worms its way into your subconscious without you even knowing it. So much so, that it has become cliche. But what does it mean? Why would you let them go? How long are you supposed to wait for them to return? What if they get married? Have children? With the divorce rates as they are today, does marrying someone else even matter? When is it too much and you have to let go just to keep your sanity?

I have run into this problem more than once. I am a Leo, and Leos are notoriously in love with love, so we fall easily and we fall hard. I have heard the words, “I love you. You’re perfect. You’re gorgeous. You’re amazing…” but, unfortunately, I am rather unsure if I have ever really had the emotion be real, really be reciprocated. Even with my ex-fiance…I’m not sure if it was real. Could be the reason why I was engaged for five years!! Should I hold onto those? Was it silly to hold onto them in the first place? If they promised ten years ago that they would marry me, is that too long to wait? What if those words are spoken by a teenager, does it really not count then? In fact, should we hold anything against a 13-17 year old, hahaha?! I have been single for almost a decade, and it still bothers me that I have heard the words mentioned above, over and over again, but they never seem to stick. Yet I find myself still believing that I loved them, let them go, and I am just waiting upon their return. Which written out as it is here, I feel a wee bit idiotic, hahaha!

What about this quote: “I don’t understand why destiny allowed some people to meet…when there’s no way for them to be together.” I got that from SumNanQuotes on Tumbler.  In response, maybe this one, from a source unknown: “We don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason.” Is there a lesson to be learned here?

For one particular person, to which all of these quotes are applicable, there is most definitely a lesson. My beautiful little brain can paint the most fantastic pictures of what the future would have looked like with that person. And I found so many little indicators that proved that he was my destiny, that fate was on my side, and we would be together forever. But fate wasn’t on my side; he wasn’t meant to be mine. For awhile, I forced myself to hate that person. I hated him for saying all of the right things and then taking them back; for never meaning them in the first place. Mostly, however, I hated myself for believing them. For painting such ludicrous pretty pictures of the two of us. I hated myself for the event that caused me to actually look at him and see him as a man, as a potential. And when he found someone “new,” I hated myself for hating her.

In the end, I realized that I had lied to myself…a lot. Yeah, maybe he told quite a few fibs himself, but I believed him. I have the exceptional ability to gloss over negative aspects of those I love–I just don’t see them–until that person makes me angry! Then I can point them out in minute detail! And really, once I did that, I am frankly glad that it wasn’t me. Not that he is a bad person, oh no! He still possesses all of those endearing and attractive qualities that I had originally seen in him, he just also possesses all those negative and unattractive qualities that, in fact, I really don’t want in a potential mate. He is not my one. In the end, it was more of this quote, from smschacha.com: “When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody who left…”

I am fairly certain that I have ascertained the reason, the destiny, the fate, the role that we played in each others’ lives. I wonder if he will see it as well some day. In the meantime, my lesson having been learned, I am willing to let him go completely. None of this waiting around for him to come back.

I will end this post with this quote, from Mandy Hale: “Once you make the decision to move on, don’t look back. Your destiny will never be found in the rearview mirror.”

Cliche Day: It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn

It’s time for another journey into the land of clichés, to uncover the deeper meaning behind oft heard and possibly under explored sayings.

Todays cliché is: it’s always darkest before the dawn.  The quote is attributed to theologian Thomas Fuller and is usually thought to refer to having hope during the dark times, that they will not last forever and relief will soon come.

In reality, it is darkest at midnight and not right before the dawn.  This fact lies at the heart of my issue with the common interpretation, which makes it seem as though both the darkness and the light are things that happen to you and that you have no control over, just as you have no control over the sun rising and setting.

This attitude is too passive for me.  I think that it is darkest before the dawn because people often have to hit rock bottom before they decide to change things!

As human beings we often interpret hardship or struggle as bad things happening to us, when really those things are necessary for us to achieve our true potential.  Whether that be physically speaking, where the struggle of working out and controlling our diet lead to a better attitude and level moods as well as looking better and having more energy.  Or emotionally speaking, where through almost losing someone you have increased gratitude for that person’s presence in your life or when going through hardship you have increased support from friends and family.  Or intellectually speaking where study pays off with a larger share of wisdom and understanding or hard work pays off with a more satisfying and fulfilling career.

Without darkness there would be no light and vice-versa.  Ultimately whether you walk in the light or the dark is up to you and your attitude, if you want the light you will seek it and you will strive to banish the darkness.  But at the same time keep in mind that the darkness is necessary and if it has descended upon you perhaps it has done so for a reason.  Perhaps there is some lesson you need to learn or some mistake you should try to avoid repeating.  It is only by learning from the darkness that you can regain the light.

So the next time you experience a dark night of the soul don’t simply wait for the dawn to come; change, struggle, learn and find something in the darkness to help propel you toward creating a new and brighter dawn for yourself!

Cliche Day: Taking Things For Granted

I love cliche’s, so every once in a while, I’m going to delve deeper into a cliche to understand what it’s really about and why it may be cliche but it still has value.

Today’s Topic: Taking Things For Granted

Usually taking something for granted means you don’t appreciate it as much as you should. Where does this come from? Why would you take something for granted? You might be so used to having something that you cease to value it, but I think there is a deeper cause to this attitude. That cause is pride.

According to dictionary.com when used as a noun “granted” can mean “something granted, as a privilege or right”. I think that this speaks to the root cause of the problem. Taking something for granted is what happens when you stop seeing something as a privilege and start seeing it as a right. You might subconsciously think that the good things that others do for you or the good things that happen to you in life are your right. You see this often in spoiled children; the thing they want they feel they deserve to have, not because of anything they have done to earn it but because of who they are. They’re special so of course life should be everything they want it to be. Even though we, as adults, should have more wisdom; whom among us hasn’t been frustrated or angry that things haven’t gone their way. Another aspect of taking things for granted is all about seeing the negative side of things while not acknowledging the good. I rarely hear someone comment that traffic was great or the line at the DMV was super short but I always hear about it when traffic took forever or the lines were huge. After all doesn’t the universe realize that those long lines or traffic jams are interrupting our day and that we are too important to have to deal with these inconveniences? If you recognize yourself in these thoughts or comments don’t despair, there is a cure. The antidote is gratitude.

It occurred to me that in my home the dinner table was often a scene of venting about all the things that went wrong that day. My husband and I are just seeing each other for the first time after work and we want to share our frustrations. That’s a pretty natural thing to do.  But what are we teaching our daughter about how to view the world? To address this issue I’m going to  start having dinner be about all the good things that have happened to us that day. How I had a really fun conversation with a cute family at work or how my husband met someone interesting. Gratitude is one of the many things we take for granted but gratitude doesn’t just happen on its own; it’s something we have to consciously think about and strive for each day. I urge you to take some time at the end of the day to think about all the good things that have happened to you and truly count your blessings, but that is a cliché for another day.